Starting an intro

I go by Pepper.

I'm a mom. I'm a wife. I'm a professional with a high level job. I'm one of many in my head - a multiple.

I sleep really poorly. The reasons for this vary but the fact remains. I'm in the process of losing my closest friend to conflicts and hurt. He is a man, he is not my husband, he is someone I work with. It is more painful than I could ever have imagined. He is the only one I've told everything to, ever. I thought it could work, but it hasn't.

I'm suffering from depression, and also I exhibit a veritable checklist of things that tend to accompany dissociation. I'm passionate and my feelings are raw. I'm intense and rigorous and honest and sensitive and brutal and fragile.

I have tried therapy, a few times. I can't do it. Talking to a stranger in sloted 45 minute periods in a setting that is strange, this quite simply doesn't work for me. I tend to miss the whole session to another - all I do is walk in and then pay and leave. I hate it, I don't like the condescending people I've met, and I won't do it again.

I try to find strength in music, in horses, in running, and hopefully in finding some people who may be able to understand me as I am, raw and all, and not criticize me, but just accept me.

That barely takes the dust off the surface, but it is the best start that I can make.

Pepper

nice to meet you Pepper.

Hi Pepper,

Not bad for a starter. My name is Jimmy. It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm hoping you're having a pleasant day/evening as I type these words.

I'm sorry to hear about your friendship problems. It's been awhile since you posted your message, so I'm hoping you've been able to work things out. A good friend is hard to come by.

No more Therapy eh? How about meds, you taking any of those. I can understand your frustration with the therapy thing though. I'm guess I'm lucky here, Health Care is free, and I get support from a psychatrist on a weekly basis. The psych just sees me for a few minutes to check up on me, and then it's an hour with a therapist. It's only suppose to be for one hour, but I remember times when she has sat with for over two. I'm also pretty lucky because these are not private practioneers, but they work for alberta Health out of one of the major hospitals here, where they tend to be of more caring sort.

Anyways, I won't bore you anymore, just wanted to say hi.

Take care
jimmy